শুক্রবার, ২৮ অক্টোবর, ২০১১

Possibly in need of a mentor

I think that i need a mentor but I?m not quite sure. I would describe my writing skills as average at best. I would however like someone else?s opinion on this and I would also like to improve. Below i will put a series of posts i have made since I joined the gateway not to long ago. These posts will be in order oldest to newest. I would also like to know if i am improving.
Mismer's eyes opened at light speed. As his stomach rummbled and his head pounded he noticed he may had drank to much. He looked over to the floor by the door into the main room. Mismer had puked all over the place and it stunk.

Walking towards the door he steped over it and went into his bathroom to get some water. Tripping as he got into the bathroom he proped himself up against the wall and filled up a wooden goblet. Drinking it down in one gulp he shock his thumping head. He grabbed a spade from the front room and used it to carefully scoop up the sick and throw it in the bin.

He toke the bin and placed it outside. Looking up to the sky he thought to him self. "Such a lovely night, shame. I went and wasted it drinking myself to oblivion." The streets were almost empty at this time. The moon was high in the sky and the time must be aproaching midnight. Mismer couldn't stand to stay out to long beacause of the smell he had brought out there. As he turned to go inside he toke one last breath of fresh air.

Mark sat by himself thinking about the man he had spoke too. He had almost finished his meal by now. He had his last few bites of apple and stood up out of his chair. He scanned the room a saw a few people still entering the canteen. Sitting across the room ther was some people eating and chatting quietly.

He made his way towards the door only stopping to place his tray on a desk with the others waiting to be cleaned. The air outside was fresh and the skys where calm. There isn't a problem with polution on the island as they produced very little gases. Most of the power produced by the island was used to work the equipment in the labs.

Yukizo sat on a bench near the gate into Duel Academy. As he sat down he swung his bag off his back and perched it on the floor in front of him. He rummaged through the bag moving aside numerous rulebooks and strategy guides. At the bottom he found what he was looking for as he pulled out a sort of file.

He opened it with a grin on his face as he glanced down at the cards inside: Cyber End Dragon, Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster and some Junk Synchrons to name a few. He picked out a Junk Synchron and added it his deck in his belt. He then slammed the file closed as to hide the contents from the other students that were arriving. Smoothly slipping it into his bagged and zipping it up, as he looked other the path.

A girl ran inside the academy shouting back to a boy standing there in the middle of the gates. He then moved other to a bench opposite Yukizo. Yukizo looked at his arm and it had a duel disk already on. Instantly he knew that he should challenge him to a duel.

Yukizo stood up taking 4 steps towards the other bench and pointed at him.
"You! How would you like to test out your skills on me? You look like you couldn't duel your way out of a paper bag."
He said this with a strong tone of voice. It shouldn?t offend him but should set him up to try hard in the duel.

"Oh, well what are we going to do?" Lucy spoke back with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I feel way better now. Wait," Lucy fail to notice the absence of the voices. "They have gone!" Lucy let out a big cheer of hope

"Right I?m going to have to take you to Mr. Hanagen to get you checked." Lucy had shaken her head in disapproval. "It is just to make sure you are ok. Would you like your boyfriend to come too?" Lucy reacted straight away. "He's not my boyfriend! I mean I have nothing against it but he isn't." Lucy was shocked at the nurse?s assumption. "Well is he coming?" She replied with a bit of embarrassment. "Yeah, I suppose. If you want to." She turned to Anthony.

Lucy begun to drink her water as the nurse rubbed her back to comfit her. Lucy was a lot better now since the voices had gone. Her dreams from the past few years had come true and there was no moans and yells in her head.

Shiek laid on the sofa as he gazed at the pictures on his wall. Pictures of Namek and Vegeta land with vast landscapes with views epic proportions. He remembered buying these pictures and wondering what these planets would be like. The room was quiet until a howl pierced the air. Shiek jumped to his feet a shock, as soon as he heard the noise.

As he ran through the door and onto the street, he threw his jacket onto the table. His head darted to his right as he saw a woman being harassed. He ran towards the gang of men as he yelled. "Leave her alone!"

As he ran into the crowd of people he tripped over a foot. Seemingly instantly he began to take several kicks to the head. In his pain Shiek began to flail his arms around pulling the legs of some of the group.

Lewis lied on top of her as she lay on the floor. He began kissing her on the neck and stroking her thigh. From the over side of the trees came a loud yell. "Oy, what you doing here." The moment of passion was broken by the noise. Lewis quickly jumped to his feet and pulled Victoria off the floor. "Come on." he whispered in her ear before grabbing her hand and turning around towards the narrow path to the town centre.

-shirt and tie me thinks. Or maybe more casual?- Yukizo set off on his way back to his apartment. As he walked through the cold and dark alleys he continued to ponder on his outfit. -Hoodie maybe? Or i could were my trench coat.- Yukizo was a very indecisive man. "What is up with these lights." He wondered about the state of the street lamps that usually lit his way home. They flickered barely lighting the pathway before they all burnt out at once. A loud crack came from behind him as a spark fell to the ground.

He continued down the lane hurrying himself home. He ran up the metal stairs on the outside of the building and into the apartment. Closing the door behind him he hit the lights and left the curtains closed. He ran about throwing off his clothes and spraying around deodorant. He eventually decided on a shirt and jeans combo. He looked in the mirror as he slid on his trainers, he nodded to himself and left the apartment. -Looking good!-

Most of these quotes are not during conversation because I feel during conversations you cannot use your writing skills to the full. I tend to stick to one on one role-plays because I think that they seem to last longer and the posts tend to come in quicker. If you read all those posts then thanks, there may have been to many but I didn?t want to put to few. Any Advice and constructive criticism is appreciated.
|Thanks, Lewdug97|

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